Don't be a hard headed fool, PROTECT YOURSELF.

Whoa whoa, is this font too hipster for you? WELL TOO BAD I ACTUALLY LIKE HELVETICA.

Ahem.

*Clears throat*

Before I start, I just hope that everyone's alive and well because with all the Pokemon in the world you'll never really know when your last day will be (omg such a sad statement lolol). Today we're going to be taking a look at a dragon type Pokemon, because in my opinion they are one of the most DEADLIEST types out there, and it's my job as the Safety Master that I am to make sure none of you end up DEAD.

Holy chocolate mary, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

This blue thing is called BACON... mmmmm Bacon... with cheese... in a burger... mmmm... oh god... WHOA WHAT HAPPENED sorry I blacked out there for a second. So yeah it's name is Bagon and it's a Rock Head Pokemon that's usually found in rough terrains. Now you're thinking "OH... it's a small thing, I can just stab it in the eye and run pshhhhh" If that's what you actually thought then I'd have to give you the award for DUMBASS OF THE YEAR. I'm just kidding (not really), see that steel head? You know what that means? that's right: broken bones, teared muscles, concussions, DEATH, etc...

This is equivalent to Bagon flying off cliffs

This motherfucker is capable of breaking BOULDERS with it's head, and I'm pretty sure the average human being is more fragile than a fuckin BOULDER. If that doesn't spell death, this thing wants to be able to fly so badly that it actually HURLS ITSELF OFF CLIFFS TO PRACTICE. Like what kind of a creature does this?! Not only does it end up hurting itself... but it also poses a great THREAT to the sky. FFS please watch out for this thing when going through tough terrain because you'll never know if one's falling right on top of you.

It's time again to take out the notepads and pay close attention to what I'm about to tell you because it might just SAVE YOUR LIFE FWACK.

Figure 1: Omg I want one.

• FIRST: Actually there's only one weapon smart enough to not only protect you but also assists you in getting away safely! and that my friends is a very reliable ZORBING BALL. For those that are unfamiliar with this thing, it's pretty much what Jackie Chan used after falling from a plane (HE'S SO FUCKIN COOL). It's just a large plastic ball that you can store one person inside for all terrain mobility! Take a look at Figure 1 if your imagination fails to paint you a picture. 

Anyways, I really have to go poo... TMI? I DONT THINK SO