Good knight, sweet prince.

Hello folks, once again it's the master Pokemon safety man here to give you another DOSE of safety knowledge SON!

The Pokemon we'll be focusing on for this post is non-other than the mighty BONERNITE... ahem I mean Dragonite. <_< >_> yeah pay no attention to that typo.

Figure 1

This dragon Pokemon can be mostly found near the water's edge, mainly because the forms before their final evolution requires them to be in water to LIVE. After much training and of course experience, they undergo an evolution eventually growing limbs and wings... giving them an image of a FULL FLEDGE DRAGON.

Now I know what you're thinking, look at how cute this stupid thing is, how can it harm me? Well before i drop some knowledge on your naive little head, please take a look at the picture in figure 1, because if you can't read the quote on the right then please get your eyes checked before Dragonite gets you wrecked (omg i should be a rapper).

Figure 2

Not only the fact that it can release the fury of elements on your ass, but Dragonites have an average height of 7 feet, meaning ITS PRETTY HUGE. Not to mention it's 450 lb average weight I'm pretty sure you'll be flat as a pancake as soon as this thing decides to land on you (refer to figure 2 if you want to see how that looks like... *drool*)

Now, here's what I have as a solution and it should really be a no-brainer. Whenever you go watch a medieval movie and you see dragons rampaging around like jerks, what does the kingdom usually send in order to put that dragon down? THATS RIGHT, we're talking about KNIGHTS. All you have to do is just get yourself one of these Knight armours and you're pretty much good to go...

This is some serious swag

... the only other thing you need to worry about is actually winning against that thing. hehe good luck.

Burnt to a crisp

Hello folks, it's me once again, the Pokemon safety expert here to show you another Pokemon that YOU need to watch out for. 

Before I start I would just like to say thank you to all the followers so far, in choosing the best site for Pokemon danger advice ever. Now I know I know that this topic seems a bit ridiculous, but I can't just sit by here and watch millions of innocent lives be taken away by these monstrous awesome Pokemon... THAT AINT ME YO (lol gangster)

Figure 1: Hot? Yeah you bet.

The Pokemon I'll be talking about in this post is this fiery little furball right here called Flareon. This "Flame" Pokemon can be found in urban parts of the land, MEANING that not only are there stray Flareons running about, but it's also possible for one to be domesticated and tamed. Flareon comes from a smaller little critter called Eevee and is one of the many final forms it can choose to take. Flareon being a "Flame" Pokemon means that it's primary attribute is fire, and yes this piece of shit can BREATHE flames into your face.

Seriously

If you still don't get how dangerous this fucker is, please read the Pokedex entry above in figure 1. When Flareon BREATHES it inhales the air and the flame sac in its body converts the air into a flame that reaches over THREE THOUSAND DEGREES FARENDEAD (Heit)

DON'T PANIC, as the Pokemon safety expert I'm here to make sure that you're ready to tackle on this Stupideon. The number one thing that you just need is common sense, so if you're fighting fire what do you use to put that shit out? FUCKIN WATER.

- All you need is a bucket of water and that Flareon will pass out faster than an old lady playing Mahjong.

For those with A LOT of time on their hands, here is a 6 minute video of a Flareon running around in circle. ENJOY lewl

Kiddy sized punch

I know I know, I haven't posted in a while hehe, WELL SORRY FOR HAVING AN ACTUAL LIFE FUCK

Enough with the hostile language, and let's get down to business! The Pokemon we'll be talking about in this post is non other than MACHOP.

Figure 1: This guy hurts... A LOT

This superpower Pokemon are usually seen in the mountains lifting the shit out of rocks and mountains in order to get stronger. Now if you've ever found yourself inside a gym, in the middle of the weights section then you should have a basic idea of what they do in the mountains. Much like the jocks and douchebags stay in the gym to "Sculpt" their guns, Machops do the same thing. BUT there's a big difference... Machops are the size of CHILDREN.

Now you're saying "children? Psh children are weak! I can just spit on their faces". Well before you go and salivate on their heads, make sure to read the fuckin text on figure 1 because that very child you're spitting on has enough muscles to turn you into a pidgeot... sending you through the air, and god knows where you'll end up. (probably in the ocean... to die).

DON'T PANIC, as the Pokemon safety master I'm here to give you one crucial information that can save your life against these child-like adult throwers.

One word = CARS, yep all you have to do is just drive one of these bad boys towards the machops and they'll be the ones flying through the air. Yeah yeah I know it's a bit morbid but you know what else is morbid?!?!? 

CHILDREN THROWING ADULTS, THATS FUCKIN MORBID.

FIN

--------------------------------------------------

Some of you are asking where to get some nice info on Pokemon, well have no fear because this nifty little site called Bulbapedia can give you a SHITLOAD of information on not only the dangers but their capabilities as well.