BAM POOF EXPLODE!

Alas we have finally came to the 10th post! Even though this post is glorious, we must never forget that there might still be a chance for this blog to continue and grow!

but let's not waste any more time and talk about our next dangerous Pokemon. 

Today we're going to be looking over SEEDOT, a small little Pokemon that packs a punch if dealt with.

Seedot is an Acorn Pokemon that is usually found hanging on trees in the forest. Even though they're only around 2 feet tall, and only weighs at around 8 pounds, they are still a force to be reckoned with. You know what's also feet tall and 8 pounds?... GRENADES, BOMBS AND SHIT. Yeah that's right, this little dude right here can also learn the move called "EXPLOSION" meaning it does not give a shit about dying, all it cares about is total annihilation around it. 

If you think this is a joke then please by all means take a look at the image below, because that's what your friends will see if you try and fuck around with Seedot son.

For those of you that don't know what that image is... it's a picture of an EXPLOSION = DEATH.

for such a stupid Pokemon to get worried for, you really have no other choice but to go all out and buy yourself a bunker.

Yeah even I think this shit's getting ridiculous. Lol with all that said, have a good one folks!


AND REMEMBER, SAFETY FIRST!

Don't get caught slippin.

All right folks, I know there's been multiple posts already, but they are nothing compared to the many dangers left out in the Pokemon world.

That is why it's my duty as the Pokemon safety man to make sure that YOU don't end up DEAD.

Today we're going to be talking about this little dude right here named GASTLY.... wow for once I ended up spelling the name right, because I'd usually insult it by giving it some silly name.

Without further wait, here's some info on FARTLY... I mean ghastly... damnit

Gastly is a Gas Pokemon that is usually found in caves or near graveyards (creepy right?). And they usually bunch up together, much like those ghosts found in the castle levels in Super Mario. Except they'd do shit to you no matter what direction you're facing. 

As you can see from the Pokedex entry  Gastly will fuck you up the moment you start wallopin all up in their turf. The fact that they are a Gas type, means no physical attack can actually harm them. You can punch,swipe,slice, scream all you want, it's not going to do ANYTHING. Not only that, but they also have the power to hypnotize people, meaning one second you'll be fine and dandy and suddenly you'll just fall flat and go to sleep son.

If you don't believe us, take a look at the picture below, because that man needs some serious fuckin help.

I know what you're thinking "WHAT IN THE WORLD CAN WE DO ABOUT A GASEOUS LITTLE FUCK RUINING OUR LIVES?!"

Well fear no more because the solution is actually pretty simple, it's not rocket science... even though it is actually science. What should you never do when the room is filled with gas? THAT'S RIGHT YOU LIGHT UP A MATCH AND BAM!

So my advice is to always carry with yourself a lighter that's all you need to kill gastly, just light that fucker up and roll that doobie, you're good to go.

Good knight, sweet prince.

Hello folks, once again it's the master Pokemon safety man here to give you another DOSE of safety knowledge SON!

The Pokemon we'll be focusing on for this post is non-other than the mighty BONERNITE... ahem I mean Dragonite. <_< >_> yeah pay no attention to that typo.

Figure 1

This dragon Pokemon can be mostly found near the water's edge, mainly because the forms before their final evolution requires them to be in water to LIVE. After much training and of course experience, they undergo an evolution eventually growing limbs and wings... giving them an image of a FULL FLEDGE DRAGON.

Now I know what you're thinking, look at how cute this stupid thing is, how can it harm me? Well before i drop some knowledge on your naive little head, please take a look at the picture in figure 1, because if you can't read the quote on the right then please get your eyes checked before Dragonite gets you wrecked (omg i should be a rapper).

Figure 2

Not only the fact that it can release the fury of elements on your ass, but Dragonites have an average height of 7 feet, meaning ITS PRETTY HUGE. Not to mention it's 450 lb average weight I'm pretty sure you'll be flat as a pancake as soon as this thing decides to land on you (refer to figure 2 if you want to see how that looks like... *drool*)

Now, here's what I have as a solution and it should really be a no-brainer. Whenever you go watch a medieval movie and you see dragons rampaging around like jerks, what does the kingdom usually send in order to put that dragon down? THATS RIGHT, we're talking about KNIGHTS. All you have to do is just get yourself one of these Knight armours and you're pretty much good to go...

This is some serious swag

... the only other thing you need to worry about is actually winning against that thing. hehe good luck.

Burnt to a crisp

Hello folks, it's me once again, the Pokemon safety expert here to show you another Pokemon that YOU need to watch out for. 

Before I start I would just like to say thank you to all the followers so far, in choosing the best site for Pokemon danger advice ever. Now I know I know that this topic seems a bit ridiculous, but I can't just sit by here and watch millions of innocent lives be taken away by these monstrous awesome Pokemon... THAT AINT ME YO (lol gangster)

Figure 1: Hot? Yeah you bet.

The Pokemon I'll be talking about in this post is this fiery little furball right here called Flareon. This "Flame" Pokemon can be found in urban parts of the land, MEANING that not only are there stray Flareons running about, but it's also possible for one to be domesticated and tamed. Flareon comes from a smaller little critter called Eevee and is one of the many final forms it can choose to take. Flareon being a "Flame" Pokemon means that it's primary attribute is fire, and yes this piece of shit can BREATHE flames into your face.

Seriously

If you still don't get how dangerous this fucker is, please read the Pokedex entry above in figure 1. When Flareon BREATHES it inhales the air and the flame sac in its body converts the air into a flame that reaches over THREE THOUSAND DEGREES FARENDEAD (Heit)

DON'T PANIC, as the Pokemon safety expert I'm here to make sure that you're ready to tackle on this Stupideon. The number one thing that you just need is common sense, so if you're fighting fire what do you use to put that shit out? FUCKIN WATER.

- All you need is a bucket of water and that Flareon will pass out faster than an old lady playing Mahjong.

For those with A LOT of time on their hands, here is a 6 minute video of a Flareon running around in circle. ENJOY lewl

Kiddy sized punch

I know I know, I haven't posted in a while hehe, WELL SORRY FOR HAVING AN ACTUAL LIFE FUCK

Enough with the hostile language, and let's get down to business! The Pokemon we'll be talking about in this post is non other than MACHOP.

Figure 1: This guy hurts... A LOT

This superpower Pokemon are usually seen in the mountains lifting the shit out of rocks and mountains in order to get stronger. Now if you've ever found yourself inside a gym, in the middle of the weights section then you should have a basic idea of what they do in the mountains. Much like the jocks and douchebags stay in the gym to "Sculpt" their guns, Machops do the same thing. BUT there's a big difference... Machops are the size of CHILDREN.

Now you're saying "children? Psh children are weak! I can just spit on their faces". Well before you go and salivate on their heads, make sure to read the fuckin text on figure 1 because that very child you're spitting on has enough muscles to turn you into a pidgeot... sending you through the air, and god knows where you'll end up. (probably in the ocean... to die).

DON'T PANIC, as the Pokemon safety master I'm here to give you one crucial information that can save your life against these child-like adult throwers.

One word = CARS, yep all you have to do is just drive one of these bad boys towards the machops and they'll be the ones flying through the air. Yeah yeah I know it's a bit morbid but you know what else is morbid?!?!? 

CHILDREN THROWING ADULTS, THATS FUCKIN MORBID.

FIN

--------------------------------------------------

Some of you are asking where to get some nice info on Pokemon, well have no fear because this nifty little site called Bulbapedia can give you a SHITLOAD of information on not only the dangers but their capabilities as well.

Well, that's shocking.

Hello again folks, Pokemon safety master man here to give you another does of Pokemon danger knowledge!

Now some people are wondering who I really am (lol no one is actually asking), but alas I must still conceal my identity for the SAKE OF SAFETY. I don't care if that made sense or not huehue.

Today we're going to be talking about this sweet little pussy right here called Luxio. It's a spark pokemon that is usually found in plains and various grassy areas usually found in groups. Now this is very important because you need to be aware that if you see ONE... that means the others are around you and are already pouncing for an ambush. Now you might be thinking "oh man I can totally just kick the shit out of this thing and it'll fly off into the sunset", well before you do such an idiotic thing, have some common sense and think about YOUR LIFE. Because Luxio can generate electricity through its claws and one little swipe can cause you to FAINT.

Figure 1: omg is he ok

That's right, FAINT, like holy shit out cold... Ever seen Bisping get knocked out by Dan Henderson? YEAH that's what's going to happen if you TRY to mess around with this cat. Before you faint yourself you better check yourself. Take a good look at Figure 1, see that?  That's a prime example of an idiot trying to fight a Luxia... like what would your friends say if you lost against a cat?! THATS WORSE THAN BEING CALLED A PUSSY.


Its claws aint the only thing that's dangerous about this lion, some Luxios might know the move Spark, this enables Luxio to emit electricity from its body and uses it as a weapon to tackle foes and cause PARALYSIS. Yep, you can be out cold AND be paralyzed... while the whole luxio crew does naughty things to your body (purr)

Figure 2: ooo kinkayyy

• SOLUTION: Even though a simple gun or even a grenade can do the trick, we have to be smart and think of less expensive ways to protect ourselves. That's why I've came to the conclusion that only a full rubber suit would be able to save you. If you don't know where to find one, I'm sure there's plenty of SEX SHOPS out there that would be more than willing to sell you one of these (Figure 2).

The rubber suit will make sure that even if you get sparked, you'll only receive pain from the tackle BUT not the electric charge. Because you know electricity can't go through rubber, oh come on I don't have to go all scientific on you now DO I?! If someone goes up to you and makes fun of how stupid you look in a rubber suit, take one of the Luxios and throw it at the person THAT'S WHAT THEY DESERVE FOR MAKING FUN OF POKEMON SAFETY.

Don't be a hard headed fool, PROTECT YOURSELF.

Whoa whoa, is this font too hipster for you? WELL TOO BAD I ACTUALLY LIKE HELVETICA.

Ahem.

*Clears throat*

Before I start, I just hope that everyone's alive and well because with all the Pokemon in the world you'll never really know when your last day will be (omg such a sad statement lolol). Today we're going to be taking a look at a dragon type Pokemon, because in my opinion they are one of the most DEADLIEST types out there, and it's my job as the Safety Master that I am to make sure none of you end up DEAD.

Holy chocolate mary, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

This blue thing is called BACON... mmmmm Bacon... with cheese... in a burger... mmmm... oh god... WHOA WHAT HAPPENED sorry I blacked out there for a second. So yeah it's name is Bagon and it's a Rock Head Pokemon that's usually found in rough terrains. Now you're thinking "OH... it's a small thing, I can just stab it in the eye and run pshhhhh" If that's what you actually thought then I'd have to give you the award for DUMBASS OF THE YEAR. I'm just kidding (not really), see that steel head? You know what that means? that's right: broken bones, teared muscles, concussions, DEATH, etc...

This is equivalent to Bagon flying off cliffs

This motherfucker is capable of breaking BOULDERS with it's head, and I'm pretty sure the average human being is more fragile than a fuckin BOULDER. If that doesn't spell death, this thing wants to be able to fly so badly that it actually HURLS ITSELF OFF CLIFFS TO PRACTICE. Like what kind of a creature does this?! Not only does it end up hurting itself... but it also poses a great THREAT to the sky. FFS please watch out for this thing when going through tough terrain because you'll never know if one's falling right on top of you.

It's time again to take out the notepads and pay close attention to what I'm about to tell you because it might just SAVE YOUR LIFE FWACK.

Figure 1: Omg I want one.

• FIRST: Actually there's only one weapon smart enough to not only protect you but also assists you in getting away safely! and that my friends is a very reliable ZORBING BALL. For those that are unfamiliar with this thing, it's pretty much what Jackie Chan used after falling from a plane (HE'S SO FUCKIN COOL). It's just a large plastic ball that you can store one person inside for all terrain mobility! Take a look at Figure 1 if your imagination fails to paint you a picture. 

Anyways, I really have to go poo... TMI? I DONT THINK SO
 

Don't get blown away

Master Pokemon safety man here ready to give you guys a dose of POKEMON SAFETY. 

Now before you get all your panties wet, I'd just like to say thanks to the 15 Pokemon trainers that decided to follow the path to safety. TO THAT I SALUTE YOU FOR CHOOSING THE RIGHT PATH... and giving me 2 marks for my interactive marketing class (huehuehue)

Figure 1

The Pokemon that we're going to be discussing today is this douche right here, SHITRY... oops I mean Shiftry. This Wicked Pokemon is the last evolution state from Seedot, and is usually found in 100 year old trees chillin in the forest.  Now Shiftry might look like stupid old man but be careful what you think, because this dude can read MINDS. That's right, this thing can know whether you want to run way or you want to kill it, so make sure the next time you're near one think of UNICORN RAINBOWS AND SHIT. Because if he finds out you're thinking of beef with him, YOU'RE FUCKIN DONE.

Figure 2

So you think reading minds is the only thing this can do but as you can see in Figure 1, this dude can use his fan hands to generate wind gusts up to 100 FEET PER SECOND. This means that it can LEVEL HOUSES, and if you're still not convinced of how dangerous this being is, then by all means take a look at Figure 2.

I know, I know it's such a grueling sight but lucky for YOU I know how to make sure you don't unwillingly fly to the other side of the world because of this windy ass man.

• FIRST - If you're ever in the forest and you FEEL a cold chilly gust of wind come your way, then it's safe to say that you better TURN AROUND AND LEAVE. A Shiftry usually pops up when people feel a cold gust of wind or anywhere in the forest that has a low temperature.

• SECOND - If it's too late and you find yourself in the midst of a 100 feet per second wind start up then you might as well look on the bright side! Make sure to pack yourself a HANG GLIDER. With a wind speed like that you wont even need to worry about running to get momentum, because you'll just FLY LIKE A DAMN PIDGEOT... oh and good luck landing.

• THIRD - Your last resort should be something deadly, so this Pokemon being the grass type that it is, there's only one thing that should be good enough to take care of it... A FLAMETHROWER. Not much explanation, turn it on, burn it to cinder, go home and eat noodles like a fuckin man, done.

I hope everyone got some good notes on this deadly ass pokemon, until next time! What you don't know, might kill you, this is Pokemon safety 101.

Spiders? Bitch please.

Master Pokemon Safety Man here to give you a dose of safety knowledge to keep you and your families safe from the tall grass! 

Before I start, I'd just like to say that YES I do know how ridiculous this subject is to have a whole blog revolve around it. But I'm only doing this FOR THE SAKE OF SAFETY... and class marks so plz jus COOPERATE WITH ME.

In this post, I'll be talking about 2 extremely dangerous bug Pokemon, so have your notepads ready and TAKE SOME NOTES SON.

Figure 1: Holy shit, run.

Venomoth is a posion moth pokemon that is usually found in the forest, and you can usually tell whether you're encountering one or not because IT'S A HUGE FUCKIN MOTH. 

Venomoth has many abilities but one distinct characteristic it has are the large wings located on it's buggy back. Now we've all seen a normal moth before but what separates this beastly thing from those normal ones is its SHEER SIZE, LIKE LOOK AT THIS THING (Figure 1)

Figure 2: You need a ton of these.

Each wing has tiny fragile scales that if Venomoth decides to flap its wings (pray to god it doesn't) it will SCATTER poisonous toxins everywhere that can cause PARALYSIS. This means that once you get hit by the toxins, say goodbye to WALKING, RUNNING, DANCING, PARTYING and many more activities that you love.

Don't worry, as the master Pokemon safety expert I'm here to help, all you need are 3 things: A working brain, good cardio and... BUG SPRAY. I'm sure it's quite obvious how you would use these 3 things:

• FIRST be smart and dont go fuckin around in the forest (you're just asking for a venodeath). 
• SECOND If it's still far, RUN AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK.
• THIRD If you have no choice but to battle it, use bug spray... lots and lots of bug spray.
  (USE ALL OF IT... and throw the can at it when it's empty).

Pineco is a Bagworm pokemon and it is usually found hanging from trees in the forest. Now you might be thinking "What could this thing do? It's just a stupid pinecone, I can easily beat the shit out of it with my bare hands". Well before doing that, think about one thing... YOUR LIFE, because if this thing falls near you, say sayonara to your LEGS because this thing explodes like a GRENADE (the ones Bruno Mars would catch) And it doesn't even make a sound before detonation it just does it WITH NO WARNING, so save the song from Green Day and listen here because I'm the one doing the warnings (lol green day fans will understand).

Fortunately for you, I know 2 things that can prevent you from losing your legs: Fast reflexes.... and a riot shield.

• FIRST If you decide to shake the shit out of the tree, then expect to have the reflexes fast enough to G.T.F.O. of there A.S.A.P. (AND NEVER SHAKE THE GODDAMN TREE EVER AGAIN)
• SECOND If you decide to walk around in the forest like a little bitch, then make sure to equip yourself with a Riot Shield, it's strong enough to protect you from the blast but light enough to swing around. (crush them to bits with it too)

So remember, the next time you go into the forest don't forget the essentials to better protect yourself and the ones you love from these deadly bug Pokemon. Close your notebooks and take care of yourself because what you don't know might kill you, this is Pokemon safety 101.

Introduction

Have you ever mowed your lawn and found yourself fighting a Pokemon in the tall grass? Or decided to walk off  a nature trail only to be cornered by a huge Pokemon, and what's worse you have no idea how to handle the situation? 

WELL YOU'RE IN LUCK BECAUSE I'M HERE TO HELP

Ahem, let me clear my throat.

*spit*

All right, so you want to know how handle yourself in the shittiest situations possible. Don't worry because if you constantly check my blog I the "Pokemon Safety Master Man" will post not only vital information about the dangers of Pokemon, but tips and tricks as well just in case you end up in a bad situation with one (mostly life and DEATH DEATH DEATH situations).

Figure 1: Ash Ketchum and his "best friend" pikachu (lol what a loser)

For those that don't know Pokemon, I feel really bad for you because it's such a phenomenal show that it's almost impossible to avoid contact with it. Long story short Pokemon is short for pocket monsters, and they're these animals/things that have powers based on certain elements. For example a Pikachu (figure 1) is a mouse that has the power of the electric element, so it can emit electricity from it's cheeks like a tesla coil... in other words ITS PRETTY FUCKIN DANGEROUS.

Anyways, keep checking this place out if you want to survive in the tall grass.