R&C Playthrough #2 - Let's Find A New Ship!

BAM POOF EXPLODE!

Alas we have finally came to the 10th post! Even though this post is glorious, we must never forget that there might still be a chance for this blog to continue and grow!

but let's not waste any more time and talk about our next dangerous Pokemon. 

Today we're going to be looking over SEEDOT, a small little Pokemon that packs a punch if dealt with.

Seedot is an Acorn Pokemon that is usually found hanging on trees in the forest. Even though they're only around 2 feet tall, and only weighs at around 8 pounds, they are still a force to be reckoned with. You know what's also feet tall and 8 pounds?... GRENADES, BOMBS AND SHIT. Yeah that's right, this little dude right here can also learn the move called "EXPLOSION" meaning it does not give a shit about dying, all it cares about is total annihilation around it. 

If you think this is a joke then please by all means take a look at the image below, because that's what your friends will see if you try and fuck around with Seedot son.

For those of you that don't know what that image is... it's a picture of an EXPLOSION = DEATH.

for such a stupid Pokemon to get worried for, you really have no other choice but to go all out and buy yourself a bunker.

Yeah even I think this shit's getting ridiculous. Lol with all that said, have a good one folks!


AND REMEMBER, SAFETY FIRST!

Don't get caught slippin.

All right folks, I know there's been multiple posts already, but they are nothing compared to the many dangers left out in the Pokemon world.

That is why it's my duty as the Pokemon safety man to make sure that YOU don't end up DEAD.

Today we're going to be talking about this little dude right here named GASTLY.... wow for once I ended up spelling the name right, because I'd usually insult it by giving it some silly name.

Without further wait, here's some info on FARTLY... I mean ghastly... damnit

Gastly is a Gas Pokemon that is usually found in caves or near graveyards (creepy right?). And they usually bunch up together, much like those ghosts found in the castle levels in Super Mario. Except they'd do shit to you no matter what direction you're facing. 

As you can see from the Pokedex entry  Gastly will fuck you up the moment you start wallopin all up in their turf. The fact that they are a Gas type, means no physical attack can actually harm them. You can punch,swipe,slice, scream all you want, it's not going to do ANYTHING. Not only that, but they also have the power to hypnotize people, meaning one second you'll be fine and dandy and suddenly you'll just fall flat and go to sleep son.

If you don't believe us, take a look at the picture below, because that man needs some serious fuckin help.

I know what you're thinking "WHAT IN THE WORLD CAN WE DO ABOUT A GASEOUS LITTLE FUCK RUINING OUR LIVES?!"

Well fear no more because the solution is actually pretty simple, it's not rocket science... even though it is actually science. What should you never do when the room is filled with gas? THAT'S RIGHT YOU LIGHT UP A MATCH AND BAM!

So my advice is to always carry with yourself a lighter that's all you need to kill gastly, just light that fucker up and roll that doobie, you're good to go.

Good knight, sweet prince.

Hello folks, once again it's the master Pokemon safety man here to give you another DOSE of safety knowledge SON!

The Pokemon we'll be focusing on for this post is non-other than the mighty BONERNITE... ahem I mean Dragonite. <_< >_> yeah pay no attention to that typo.

Figure 1

This dragon Pokemon can be mostly found near the water's edge, mainly because the forms before their final evolution requires them to be in water to LIVE. After much training and of course experience, they undergo an evolution eventually growing limbs and wings... giving them an image of a FULL FLEDGE DRAGON.

Now I know what you're thinking, look at how cute this stupid thing is, how can it harm me? Well before i drop some knowledge on your naive little head, please take a look at the picture in figure 1, because if you can't read the quote on the right then please get your eyes checked before Dragonite gets you wrecked (omg i should be a rapper).

Figure 2

Not only the fact that it can release the fury of elements on your ass, but Dragonites have an average height of 7 feet, meaning ITS PRETTY HUGE. Not to mention it's 450 lb average weight I'm pretty sure you'll be flat as a pancake as soon as this thing decides to land on you (refer to figure 2 if you want to see how that looks like... *drool*)

Now, here's what I have as a solution and it should really be a no-brainer. Whenever you go watch a medieval movie and you see dragons rampaging around like jerks, what does the kingdom usually send in order to put that dragon down? THATS RIGHT, we're talking about KNIGHTS. All you have to do is just get yourself one of these Knight armours and you're pretty much good to go...

This is some serious swag

... the only other thing you need to worry about is actually winning against that thing. hehe good luck.

Burnt to a crisp

Hello folks, it's me once again, the Pokemon safety expert here to show you another Pokemon that YOU need to watch out for. 

Before I start I would just like to say thank you to all the followers so far, in choosing the best site for Pokemon danger advice ever. Now I know I know that this topic seems a bit ridiculous, but I can't just sit by here and watch millions of innocent lives be taken away by these monstrous awesome Pokemon... THAT AINT ME YO (lol gangster)

Figure 1: Hot? Yeah you bet.

The Pokemon I'll be talking about in this post is this fiery little furball right here called Flareon. This "Flame" Pokemon can be found in urban parts of the land, MEANING that not only are there stray Flareons running about, but it's also possible for one to be domesticated and tamed. Flareon comes from a smaller little critter called Eevee and is one of the many final forms it can choose to take. Flareon being a "Flame" Pokemon means that it's primary attribute is fire, and yes this piece of shit can BREATHE flames into your face.

Seriously

If you still don't get how dangerous this fucker is, please read the Pokedex entry above in figure 1. When Flareon BREATHES it inhales the air and the flame sac in its body converts the air into a flame that reaches over THREE THOUSAND DEGREES FARENDEAD (Heit)

DON'T PANIC, as the Pokemon safety expert I'm here to make sure that you're ready to tackle on this Stupideon. The number one thing that you just need is common sense, so if you're fighting fire what do you use to put that shit out? FUCKIN WATER.

- All you need is a bucket of water and that Flareon will pass out faster than an old lady playing Mahjong.

For those with A LOT of time on their hands, here is a 6 minute video of a Flareon running around in circle. ENJOY lewl

Kiddy sized punch

I know I know, I haven't posted in a while hehe, WELL SORRY FOR HAVING AN ACTUAL LIFE FUCK

Enough with the hostile language, and let's get down to business! The Pokemon we'll be talking about in this post is non other than MACHOP.

Figure 1: This guy hurts... A LOT

This superpower Pokemon are usually seen in the mountains lifting the shit out of rocks and mountains in order to get stronger. Now if you've ever found yourself inside a gym, in the middle of the weights section then you should have a basic idea of what they do in the mountains. Much like the jocks and douchebags stay in the gym to "Sculpt" their guns, Machops do the same thing. BUT there's a big difference... Machops are the size of CHILDREN.

Now you're saying "children? Psh children are weak! I can just spit on their faces". Well before you go and salivate on their heads, make sure to read the fuckin text on figure 1 because that very child you're spitting on has enough muscles to turn you into a pidgeot... sending you through the air, and god knows where you'll end up. (probably in the ocean... to die).

DON'T PANIC, as the Pokemon safety master I'm here to give you one crucial information that can save your life against these child-like adult throwers.

One word = CARS, yep all you have to do is just drive one of these bad boys towards the machops and they'll be the ones flying through the air. Yeah yeah I know it's a bit morbid but you know what else is morbid?!?!? 

CHILDREN THROWING ADULTS, THATS FUCKIN MORBID.

FIN

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Some of you are asking where to get some nice info on Pokemon, well have no fear because this nifty little site called Bulbapedia can give you a SHITLOAD of information on not only the dangers but their capabilities as well.

Well, that's shocking.

Hello again folks, Pokemon safety master man here to give you another does of Pokemon danger knowledge!

Now some people are wondering who I really am (lol no one is actually asking), but alas I must still conceal my identity for the SAKE OF SAFETY. I don't care if that made sense or not huehue.

Today we're going to be talking about this sweet little pussy right here called Luxio. It's a spark pokemon that is usually found in plains and various grassy areas usually found in groups. Now this is very important because you need to be aware that if you see ONE... that means the others are around you and are already pouncing for an ambush. Now you might be thinking "oh man I can totally just kick the shit out of this thing and it'll fly off into the sunset", well before you do such an idiotic thing, have some common sense and think about YOUR LIFE. Because Luxio can generate electricity through its claws and one little swipe can cause you to FAINT.

Figure 1: omg is he ok

That's right, FAINT, like holy shit out cold... Ever seen Bisping get knocked out by Dan Henderson? YEAH that's what's going to happen if you TRY to mess around with this cat. Before you faint yourself you better check yourself. Take a good look at Figure 1, see that?  That's a prime example of an idiot trying to fight a Luxia... like what would your friends say if you lost against a cat?! THATS WORSE THAN BEING CALLED A PUSSY.


Its claws aint the only thing that's dangerous about this lion, some Luxios might know the move Spark, this enables Luxio to emit electricity from its body and uses it as a weapon to tackle foes and cause PARALYSIS. Yep, you can be out cold AND be paralyzed... while the whole luxio crew does naughty things to your body (purr)

Figure 2: ooo kinkayyy

• SOLUTION: Even though a simple gun or even a grenade can do the trick, we have to be smart and think of less expensive ways to protect ourselves. That's why I've came to the conclusion that only a full rubber suit would be able to save you. If you don't know where to find one, I'm sure there's plenty of SEX SHOPS out there that would be more than willing to sell you one of these (Figure 2).

The rubber suit will make sure that even if you get sparked, you'll only receive pain from the tackle BUT not the electric charge. Because you know electricity can't go through rubber, oh come on I don't have to go all scientific on you now DO I?! If someone goes up to you and makes fun of how stupid you look in a rubber suit, take one of the Luxios and throw it at the person THAT'S WHAT THEY DESERVE FOR MAKING FUN OF POKEMON SAFETY.