Don't be a hard headed fool, PROTECT YOURSELF.

Whoa whoa, is this font too hipster for you? WELL TOO BAD I ACTUALLY LIKE HELVETICA.

Ahem.

*Clears throat*

Before I start, I just hope that everyone's alive and well because with all the Pokemon in the world you'll never really know when your last day will be (omg such a sad statement lolol). Today we're going to be taking a look at a dragon type Pokemon, because in my opinion they are one of the most DEADLIEST types out there, and it's my job as the Safety Master that I am to make sure none of you end up DEAD.

Holy chocolate mary, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

This blue thing is called BACON... mmmmm Bacon... with cheese... in a burger... mmmm... oh god... WHOA WHAT HAPPENED sorry I blacked out there for a second. So yeah it's name is Bagon and it's a Rock Head Pokemon that's usually found in rough terrains. Now you're thinking "OH... it's a small thing, I can just stab it in the eye and run pshhhhh" If that's what you actually thought then I'd have to give you the award for DUMBASS OF THE YEAR. I'm just kidding (not really), see that steel head? You know what that means? that's right: broken bones, teared muscles, concussions, DEATH, etc...

This is equivalent to Bagon flying off cliffs

This motherfucker is capable of breaking BOULDERS with it's head, and I'm pretty sure the average human being is more fragile than a fuckin BOULDER. If that doesn't spell death, this thing wants to be able to fly so badly that it actually HURLS ITSELF OFF CLIFFS TO PRACTICE. Like what kind of a creature does this?! Not only does it end up hurting itself... but it also poses a great THREAT to the sky. FFS please watch out for this thing when going through tough terrain because you'll never know if one's falling right on top of you.

It's time again to take out the notepads and pay close attention to what I'm about to tell you because it might just SAVE YOUR LIFE FWACK.

Figure 1: Omg I want one.

• FIRST: Actually there's only one weapon smart enough to not only protect you but also assists you in getting away safely! and that my friends is a very reliable ZORBING BALL. For those that are unfamiliar with this thing, it's pretty much what Jackie Chan used after falling from a plane (HE'S SO FUCKIN COOL). It's just a large plastic ball that you can store one person inside for all terrain mobility! Take a look at Figure 1 if your imagination fails to paint you a picture. 

Anyways, I really have to go poo... TMI? I DONT THINK SO
 

Don't get blown away

Master Pokemon safety man here ready to give you guys a dose of POKEMON SAFETY. 

Now before you get all your panties wet, I'd just like to say thanks to the 15 Pokemon trainers that decided to follow the path to safety. TO THAT I SALUTE YOU FOR CHOOSING THE RIGHT PATH... and giving me 2 marks for my interactive marketing class (huehuehue)

Figure 1

The Pokemon that we're going to be discussing today is this douche right here, SHITRY... oops I mean Shiftry. This Wicked Pokemon is the last evolution state from Seedot, and is usually found in 100 year old trees chillin in the forest.  Now Shiftry might look like stupid old man but be careful what you think, because this dude can read MINDS. That's right, this thing can know whether you want to run way or you want to kill it, so make sure the next time you're near one think of UNICORN RAINBOWS AND SHIT. Because if he finds out you're thinking of beef with him, YOU'RE FUCKIN DONE.

Figure 2

So you think reading minds is the only thing this can do but as you can see in Figure 1, this dude can use his fan hands to generate wind gusts up to 100 FEET PER SECOND. This means that it can LEVEL HOUSES, and if you're still not convinced of how dangerous this being is, then by all means take a look at Figure 2.

I know, I know it's such a grueling sight but lucky for YOU I know how to make sure you don't unwillingly fly to the other side of the world because of this windy ass man.

• FIRST - If you're ever in the forest and you FEEL a cold chilly gust of wind come your way, then it's safe to say that you better TURN AROUND AND LEAVE. A Shiftry usually pops up when people feel a cold gust of wind or anywhere in the forest that has a low temperature.

• SECOND - If it's too late and you find yourself in the midst of a 100 feet per second wind start up then you might as well look on the bright side! Make sure to pack yourself a HANG GLIDER. With a wind speed like that you wont even need to worry about running to get momentum, because you'll just FLY LIKE A DAMN PIDGEOT... oh and good luck landing.

• THIRD - Your last resort should be something deadly, so this Pokemon being the grass type that it is, there's only one thing that should be good enough to take care of it... A FLAMETHROWER. Not much explanation, turn it on, burn it to cinder, go home and eat noodles like a fuckin man, done.

I hope everyone got some good notes on this deadly ass pokemon, until next time! What you don't know, might kill you, this is Pokemon safety 101.

Spiders? Bitch please.

Master Pokemon Safety Man here to give you a dose of safety knowledge to keep you and your families safe from the tall grass! 

Before I start, I'd just like to say that YES I do know how ridiculous this subject is to have a whole blog revolve around it. But I'm only doing this FOR THE SAKE OF SAFETY... and class marks so plz jus COOPERATE WITH ME.

In this post, I'll be talking about 2 extremely dangerous bug Pokemon, so have your notepads ready and TAKE SOME NOTES SON.

Figure 1: Holy shit, run.

Venomoth is a posion moth pokemon that is usually found in the forest, and you can usually tell whether you're encountering one or not because IT'S A HUGE FUCKIN MOTH. 

Venomoth has many abilities but one distinct characteristic it has are the large wings located on it's buggy back. Now we've all seen a normal moth before but what separates this beastly thing from those normal ones is its SHEER SIZE, LIKE LOOK AT THIS THING (Figure 1)

Figure 2: You need a ton of these.

Each wing has tiny fragile scales that if Venomoth decides to flap its wings (pray to god it doesn't) it will SCATTER poisonous toxins everywhere that can cause PARALYSIS. This means that once you get hit by the toxins, say goodbye to WALKING, RUNNING, DANCING, PARTYING and many more activities that you love.

Don't worry, as the master Pokemon safety expert I'm here to help, all you need are 3 things: A working brain, good cardio and... BUG SPRAY. I'm sure it's quite obvious how you would use these 3 things:

• FIRST be smart and dont go fuckin around in the forest (you're just asking for a venodeath). 
• SECOND If it's still far, RUN AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK.
• THIRD If you have no choice but to battle it, use bug spray... lots and lots of bug spray.
  (USE ALL OF IT... and throw the can at it when it's empty).

Pineco is a Bagworm pokemon and it is usually found hanging from trees in the forest. Now you might be thinking "What could this thing do? It's just a stupid pinecone, I can easily beat the shit out of it with my bare hands". Well before doing that, think about one thing... YOUR LIFE, because if this thing falls near you, say sayonara to your LEGS because this thing explodes like a GRENADE (the ones Bruno Mars would catch) And it doesn't even make a sound before detonation it just does it WITH NO WARNING, so save the song from Green Day and listen here because I'm the one doing the warnings (lol green day fans will understand).

Fortunately for you, I know 2 things that can prevent you from losing your legs: Fast reflexes.... and a riot shield.

• FIRST If you decide to shake the shit out of the tree, then expect to have the reflexes fast enough to G.T.F.O. of there A.S.A.P. (AND NEVER SHAKE THE GODDAMN TREE EVER AGAIN)
• SECOND If you decide to walk around in the forest like a little bitch, then make sure to equip yourself with a Riot Shield, it's strong enough to protect you from the blast but light enough to swing around. (crush them to bits with it too)

So remember, the next time you go into the forest don't forget the essentials to better protect yourself and the ones you love from these deadly bug Pokemon. Close your notebooks and take care of yourself because what you don't know might kill you, this is Pokemon safety 101.

Introduction

Have you ever mowed your lawn and found yourself fighting a Pokemon in the tall grass? Or decided to walk off  a nature trail only to be cornered by a huge Pokemon, and what's worse you have no idea how to handle the situation? 

WELL YOU'RE IN LUCK BECAUSE I'M HERE TO HELP

Ahem, let me clear my throat.

*spit*

All right, so you want to know how handle yourself in the shittiest situations possible. Don't worry because if you constantly check my blog I the "Pokemon Safety Master Man" will post not only vital information about the dangers of Pokemon, but tips and tricks as well just in case you end up in a bad situation with one (mostly life and DEATH DEATH DEATH situations).

Figure 1: Ash Ketchum and his "best friend" pikachu (lol what a loser)

For those that don't know Pokemon, I feel really bad for you because it's such a phenomenal show that it's almost impossible to avoid contact with it. Long story short Pokemon is short for pocket monsters, and they're these animals/things that have powers based on certain elements. For example a Pikachu (figure 1) is a mouse that has the power of the electric element, so it can emit electricity from it's cheeks like a tesla coil... in other words ITS PRETTY FUCKIN DANGEROUS.

Anyways, keep checking this place out if you want to survive in the tall grass.